Why Me?
Posted on 12. Dec, 2007 by Per Bristow in Performance
I’m really depressed and I need your help!
But first, in regards to my previous post, I got an angry email. The writer said I was really mean to bash people who write to me. First of all, please feel free to leave your comment on the blog. I don’t mind negative comments and I won’t delete them. We are here to have an open discussion about things. And in regards to my “bashing”, well, I obviously didn’t mention the name of the writer or give away anything in regards to her identity. However, I do admit I realized that the post might not make her feel good (if she reads it), at least not right away. Even so, I believe it was a good example and mentioning it was for the greater good, even the good of her.
I also said that before we judge her, let’s look inwards. Now, since we’re on the subject of making excuses let me tell you I never do that… so now I’m going to tell you what happened this weekend and why I am so depressed…
I’ve been coaching my oldest son’s soccer team, and let me tell you, I am really depressed. Why? Because we didn’t make the playoffs. I mean, we had a great team. I’ve spent two afternoons a week plus Saturdays, and I felt the guys learned a lot. We won a lot of games, but those two crucial games… we lost. We really should have made the playoffs. Heck, we should have been contenders to win the whole darn thing. If only we hadn’t missed a guy in those two games, and if only one of our guys hadn’t gotten hurt, there’s no way they would have beat us. In fact, if I had switched positions between two of the guys, the other team wouldn’t have scored those two goals in the first half. And if it hadn’t rained the week before, which canceled our practice, I would have been able to have told them how to defend the free-kick they scored on from right outside our penalty area.
Come to think of it, we missed another friendly game earlier because of rain, and had we been able to play that team, I would have known who to put as goalie. As a matter of fact, had we changed goalie in the fourth quarter (we play quarters) we would have had a stronger offense, and if A had played defense the whole second half when the other team had the big guy as center, there’s no way they would have scored. And if only the ball had gone a little more to the left for that awesome shot, we would have scored, not to mention the pass that just missed by an inch, and the offside which really wasn’t an offside. And it just makes me so depressed to know that if the ball had hit half an inch differently for B, and the pass would have gone to C instead he would then have passed D, since B’s pass would have made D completely free with the goalie. And let’s not forget the pass E made to B and if that pass had been one inch further, B would have had slightly more balance and that lucky goalie wouldn’t have managed to get his darn pinky on the ball as he did, and even if he had, B would have gotten the rebound, and he would for sure have scored and we would have won the game! And then I wouldn’t have to be so depressed! Damn! Which for that matter has totally messed up my creative energy, not to mention my sleep pattern, and which is probably why I screamed at my kid today, and man, it all unfair. I mean, come on we deserved to win! What have I done wrong? What have I done to deserve this?! I need your help. Please, write me a post. I’ll comment on this in a day or so. I need to go meditate.
UPDATE: Before you post a comment or make a premature judgement, make sure you have read the follow up post that was part of the 3-part series on this topic
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Rey
01. Jan, 2008
Hoppy New Jeer! Per, let me say you are one terrific loser, I mean this in a good way. you lost but you took it way better than I would. This is my first comment post but i had to do it becouse I read about all the devotion you put into your kids life and you really wanted to win all the while theres fathers like the one that I had that never do anything with or for there kids. also you have accomplished so much in your life. Perdone mua! Your not lookin at what your kids side, the kids put the main part and you have to teach them how to deal with losing playing the game and also something thats very sensitive to them, YOU. There kids the only thing they know is mom and dad every other thought or comment doesnt have the effect to them like yours. if you enjoy the moment with them youll recive way more than just a trohpy or a championship dont get me wrong everybody aims for winning but the participation of a father in a childs life is a trophy in itself. take it from a man that cannt get the enegy to do a querter of what you described or knows how. your a terrific father. and yor not deppressed your tasting the nasty tst of defeat, if you change the way your looking at the situation you wouldnt feel like that.You could say hey son we lost this one but lets take a look at what we did wrong so we could win next time. Enjoy them while you can.
albert
14. Dec, 2007
I agree with what Stacy said about the point you were trying to make. I’m surprised that so many of the commentors missed the comparison between the soccer game and the example you used on your blog about the girl with all the excuses—all the what if’s and why for’s. I am looking forward to hearing your response to the comments about the soccer game. Your attitude and outlook on life are an inspiration, not only in regards to singing, but to finding fulfillment in life.
sam
14. Dec, 2007
I am sort of dissapointed in you for being depressed over losing a soccer game! If there’s anything you need to meditate about, I would hope it’s not that. If you want to set an even BETTER example for your son, I feel you should not be putting him down in any way or showing him your dissapointment. When I was little, I was an exceptional basketball player. My dad would come to every game and sit there silently, judging me. Whenever we won, he’d nod his head at me and give me a little smile, but when we’d lose he’d blow up! He would get so frusturated saying we’d worked too hard to go out there and blow it! He’d get me so stressed about sports I quit everything and pretty much kept to myself. I was never able to have a very good relationship with my father and before he died the last thing he EVER did, was look at me long and hard, frowning as if he must’ve made a mistake on me. Please don’t do this to your son.
Malachi
13. Dec, 2007
Per,
Thank you for this creative singing lesson.
My professional singing career has become so depressing,
because the only things I think about when I perform are
the bad things; every mistake I make, every reason I’m not
good enough, every high note not nailed, every run failed.
None of these things I focus on help me to correct my mistakes
the next time. Infact, they only help me to feel more defeated for the next show. Your blog has totally revealed my problem.
I’ve forgotten that I love to sing.
That’s why I do this, because I love to sing.
And that’s all I should focus on, that’s all I should dwell on.
Singing and making music. If I can get back to why I love to sing,
why I love music so much, the mistakes won’t be as defeating.
Even the best soccer players lose, they just lose less.
The best soccer players are the best because they keep playing regardless of wins or losses, because they love soccer!
And somewhere inside of me, I love music, I love to sing!
That’s all that matters.
You are a great teacher, Per. Thanks.
Lauren
12. Dec, 2007
Hi there.
I’m sorry your team lost. That can be hard when you know you’ve tried your best. There’s always next year. You have to make sure you don’t keep yelling at your kid. That can really create some issues you don’t want him to experience. Be sure to resolve this with him a.s.a.p. He’s taking notes from you so also make sure you’re a gracious loser as well as a gracious winner. I was always told to lose the same way you win, and always win with a humble attitude. Your son needs to see you be okay with trying your best, or else he won’t be okay with it either. I hope you start feeling better.