Comments on: The Soccer Rant Revisited http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/ Tips, Advice, News on Voice, Communication & Performance Sun, 29 Jan 2012 01:49:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Why Me? http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-546 Why Me? Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:47:33 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-546 [...] The Soccer Rant Revisited [...] [...] The Soccer Rant Revisited [...]

]]> By: Louise http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-129 Louise Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:55:06 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-129 Everything happens for a reason. My 8 year old and I had a disagreement about the word "failure". I said "you can't fail, you can only get feedback for the next attempt." He said "yes you can fail! Look! If I lean on this door and try to touch that thing on the wall, I can't reach. That's failure." I said, "what if you got the information that you could either lean on the door, and not reach, or let go of the door and get it?" He insisted that if the goal was to hold the door up and reach the thing, it was a failure. Well he's right, and I'm right. The question is do you want to be right, or happy? If I want to be happy, I'd not set up impossible tasks. I've learned that a belief that I'm not good enough, or someone out there (or right next to me) can "do it better than me", will unconsciously set up impossible situations where failure is inevitable - a self fulfulling prophecy. A situation that gives a failure that is good feedback: change the goal. Far as soccor goes, how great an opportunity to help kids deal with the inevitable faillures that life sometimes faces. If kids only know victory and winning, they can feel shame when it doesn't come. Better to learn that lesson when it presents itself rather that program unreasonable expectations to always be the best, and always be the winners. On a more personal note, my relationship of 11 years (6 years married), ended 2 months ago. Wow was I AMAZING at doing every possible thing under the sun to save that marriage! Its now taken nine weeks for me to peel the onion and see that I was unhealthily attached to a situation that was greatly detrimental and toxic to my creativity and confidence. (A childhood program of "save daddy" and then he'll love and care for me - but that's another story) I brainwashed myself into thinking it was the opposite of what it was - that I was being saved by something that was itself the greatest obstacle to me empowering myself. I know have learned that whenever I perceive the power to create as existing anywhere outside myself (a person, place or thing), I'm headed for trouble. With little hindsight, and a lot of inner work, I see how the red flags and warning signs were there all along, even a decade ago. They were plain as day. Still I betted my self-worth on winning what I thought was something I needed. I thank that "failure" for giving me immunity and eyes of self-love that will protect me from choosing against myself like that ever again. For a time, I couldn't understand - in such resistance to "what is". Why would God want to break up my marriage and family - it was depressing that it spiralled so below my standard of integrity and I kept going and going, trying to stop the avalanche. I failed at this task. Now on the other side is freedom. And guess what? I now know what breathing feels like again. Everything happens for a reason. My 8 year old and I had a disagreement about the word “failure”. I said “you can’t fail, you can only get feedback for the next attempt.” He said “yes you can fail! Look! If I lean on this door and try to touch that thing on the wall, I can’t reach. That’s failure.”
I said, “what if you got the information that you could either lean on the door, and not reach, or let go of the door and get it?”
He insisted that if the goal was to hold the door up and reach the thing, it was a failure.
Well he’s right, and I’m right. The question is do you want to be right, or happy? If I want to be happy, I’d not set up impossible tasks. I’ve learned that a belief that I’m not good enough, or someone out there (or right next to me) can “do it better than me”, will unconsciously set up impossible situations where failure is inevitable – a self fulfulling prophecy.
A situation that gives a failure that is good feedback: change the goal. Far as soccor goes, how great an opportunity to help kids deal with the inevitable faillures that life sometimes faces. If kids only know victory and winning, they can feel shame when it doesn’t come. Better to learn that lesson when it presents itself rather that program unreasonable expectations to always be the best, and always be the winners.
On a more personal note, my relationship of 11 years (6 years married), ended 2 months ago. Wow was I AMAZING at doing every possible thing under the sun to save that marriage!
Its now taken nine weeks for me to peel the onion and see that
I was unhealthily attached to a situation that was greatly detrimental and toxic to my creativity and confidence. (A childhood program of “save daddy” and then he’ll love and care for me – but that’s another story)
I brainwashed myself into thinking it was the opposite of what it was – that I was being saved by something that was itself the greatest obstacle to me empowering myself. I know have learned that whenever I perceive the power to create as existing anywhere outside myself (a person, place or thing), I’m headed for trouble. With little hindsight, and a lot of inner work, I see how the red flags and warning signs were there all along, even a decade ago. They were plain as day. Still I betted my self-worth on winning what I thought was something I needed. I thank that “failure” for giving me immunity and eyes of self-love that will protect me from choosing against myself like that ever again.

For a time, I couldn’t understand – in such resistance to “what is”. Why would God want to break up my marriage and family – it was depressing that it spiralled so below my standard of integrity and I kept going and going, trying to stop the avalanche. I failed at this task. Now on the other side is freedom. And guess what? I now know what breathing feels like again.

]]> By: Per Bristow http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-125 Per Bristow Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:17:51 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-125 Wow, that's beautiful Kelli. Good for you and thanks for sharing. Thanks Danny and Neen. Wow, that’s beautiful Kelli. Good for you and thanks for sharing. Thanks Danny and Neen.

]]> By: Kelli http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-124 Kelli Fri, 14 Dec 2007 22:55:12 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-124 I was caught up in the if only trap for a while. After my husband, at age 25, died of cancer I kept saying if only he would have lived life would be so much better. I thought I would only be happy and satisfied if only he would have lived. A year ago I got remarried to the greatest man I have ever known. Yes I still and always will love my late husband, but in all my life I have never been as loved, happy, and content as I am right now. I was caught up in the if only trap for a while. After my husband, at age 25, died of cancer I kept saying if only he would have lived life would be so much better. I thought I would only be happy and satisfied if only he would have lived. A year ago I got remarried to the greatest man I have ever known. Yes I still and always will love my late husband, but in all my life I have never been as loved, happy, and content as I am right now.

]]> By: Neen http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-122 Neen Fri, 14 Dec 2007 20:55:40 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-122 Wow I was fooled! lol good job anyway. Wow I was fooled! lol

good job anyway.

]]> By: Danny http://www.perbristow.com/53/the-soccer-rant-revisited/comment-page-1/#comment-121 Danny Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:37:15 +0000 http://www.perbristow.com/the-soccer-rant-revisited.htm#comment-121 Awesome Per ... You are expressing your gift of teaching and learning with us .. Thank you !!! Whatever we do, be it a soccer pro, janitor, doctor, clerk, lawyer, scientist, singer, whatever ... The things we do are just a reflection of our inner self. And music is one of the most courageous expressions of ones self. Cool ... Awesome Per … You are expressing your gift of teaching and learning with us .. Thank you !!! Whatever we do, be it a soccer pro, janitor, doctor, clerk, lawyer, scientist, singer, whatever … The things we do are just a reflection of our inner self. And music is one of the most courageous expressions of ones self. Cool …

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