The Bristow Voice Method Blog

The Pitfall of New Year Resolutions

Posted on 22. Jan, 2008 by Per Bristow in Uncategorized

We are three weeks into the New Year – a perfect time to look at where we are and where we are going.

Research shows that about 50% of the American population makes New Year resolutions. After two weeks, 30% of those resolutions have already gone out the window. How come?

What can we do to fulfill our dreams? What is this goal setting stuff about really?

Maybe you have heard that in order to achieve what you want, you need to set goals. That makes sense. After all, how can we get somewhere if we don’t know where we’re going? You have probably been told that it is crucial to put your goals in writing, and that the more specific a goal is, the stronger it is. In addition, you need to be committed, and it also helps to be held accountable so you actually follow through. Right? Hmm… let’s take a deeper look into this…

Most resolutions and goals fall into the categories of health, money and self improvement (something in regards to singing for you perhaps). And most resolutions and goals are stated as promises to yourself – i.e. “I am going to lose 30 pounds” or  “I am going to make x amount of money”

However, how do you feel when someone breaks a promise they’ve made to you? How do you feel when this person breaks that same promise a second time? How do you feel when you break a promise you’ve made to yourself? How about the second time? Third time? If someone who has already broken their promise three times, promises you something again, how much do you value that promise?

What kinds of beliefs, in regards to your ability to achieve and succeed, become embedded in your subconscious when you keep breaking promises (to yourself and others)?

Why would you ever make a promise to yourself or someone else, unless fulfilling that promise is inevitable?

Isn’t it possible that making New Year resolutions or setting goals in the form of promises are pretty much guaranteed strategies for failure?

And what about writing down your goals?

Maybe you have been influenced by the so-called research every motivational speaker used to refer to – the one from Yale University that showed that the graduates with written goals came to earn far more than the students who didn’t write down their goals?  Hmm… how were they able to track that? According to Fast Company this often quoted study is, not surprisingly, a complete myth

What about specificity?

Let’s say you, in the belief that specificity makes a goal stronger, proclaim: “I am going to workout three times a week, 40 minutes a day.” You have now created a scenario where there is only one single way you can succeed. On the other hand, there are thousands of variables that will make you fail. Now that you will inevitably fail, you of course become good at rationalizing and making excuses. After all, twice last week was pretty good, and it wasn’t your fault that you had to go to that meeting, etc. 

And by setting goals of how much money you are going to make, you are trying to control variables that you have absolutely no control over.

In most cases, goal setting tends to become an exercise in writing “to do lists”, or “to achieve lists”. It becomes an intellectual exercise in regards to a future that doesn’t exist. And worse; willpower is relied upon to achieve them. I hereby proclaim that “willpower” is quite worthless. By applying willpower you apply force and will inevitable meet resistance.

No wonder reflecting on the year that has been (as I wrote about in the last post) feels uncomfortable, perhaps even shameful.

And what about commitment?  What about being held accountable?

So I proclaim: “Yes, I am going to lose 30 pounds! “Yes I am going to make x amount of money!” I AM COMMITTED!” "I AM GOING TO BE RICH AND FAMOUS AND NOBODY IS GOING TO STOP ME! " And to be held accountable, I make the promise to everyone I know…

But then I think… Hmm… Do I love my wife because I have signed a paper? Do I love her more because I have made a commitment to do so? Do I love my kids because I have a sign on my wall to remind me? Because I use will power to do so? Because I have made a commitment? Do I love to get up on Monday mornings to sing and teach and write because I have made a commitment? Of course not.

We need to realize that in order to achieve measurable results, to live a fulfilled life, to love and to learn, we need to develop internally. We need to discover what we truly love. We need to feed the stuff inside that automatically develops us in line with our purpose and dreams.

For starters, how about asking ourselves “who do I want to be?”, rather than “what do I want to achieve?”  “How about “process goals” rather than “result goal”?

“Who do I need to be in order to automatically enjoy a healthy body? 
Who do I need to be in order to automatically bring in x amount of earnings?” 
“Who do I need to be in order to experience the magical bond with an audience when I’m on stage?”
“Who do I need to be in order to dramatically develop my voice to sing with confidence and freedom?”

Here are some exercises for you:

Take a couple of minutes each to answer the following questions:

1) What are you afraid of? What fears are embedded in you that hold you back?
2) What in your life have you been pretending not to notice?
3) What in your habits have you been unwilling to address?
4) What could be the most compelling reason to wake up in the morning?
5) What does being successful mean to you?
6) What must you change in order to be more successful?
7) What are your strengths?

Make no mistake; I am an avid fan of dreams, visions and goals. The issue is to make them part of our reality rather than intellectual or lofty “wants” and “to achieve lists”. Being wealthy and healthy is a process. Being a free and confident singer is a process. The more we enjoy the process, the more we can accelerate the process, and greater and greater “results” are bound to manifest.

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