How To Motivate Yourself (and why I lost an Ipod)
Posted on 18. Nov, 2008 by Per Bristow in Performance
How do we motivate ourselves? Well, let me tell you a story about how I lost an Ipod last weekend. What that has to do with motivation might seem puzzling, but let me explain.
Last weekend, my 10-year-old son had another swim meet. As he was hanging around waiting for his first event – the 50 yards freestyle – he noticed I had my Ipod with me and asked to borrow it…
I handed it to him and he quickly searched for his favorite song. But before he became totally engrossed in it, I asked him what time he was aiming for in the 50 yard.
I fell silent. Because the time he mentioned was 6.5 seconds under his personal best.
“Okay”, I mumbled, fumbling for words – not sure how to address this child’s disillusioned belief system. It’s true that he hadn’t swam the distance all that recently, but 6,5 seconds? Why would he believe he could do that? What if he “only” broke his personal best with, say, two seconds? Would he consider that failure? Was he setting himself up for disappointment by not understanding that one doesn’t break a personal best by that much?
After all, he’s only 10 years old so he may not understand the concept of time, and that breaking your personal best with tenths or hundreds of seconds can be quite significant in sports – and well worth celebrating by the way.
I started muttering something about how even a far slower time would be okay, but lost in the music, he took no notice. Suddenly I blurted out: “Okay, if you do that I’ll buy you an Ipod”. Apparently my voice was suddenly heard fine through the guitar solo because he turned and faced me with a grin: “Really?”
It suddenly dawned on me that I had possibly made things even worse. Now he might be even more disappointed. Therefore, I quickly added that I’d buy him that Ipod whenever he beats that time, however long it takes – even if it takes a year…
So the race is on. I watch how his form seems to have improved, his nice turn and finish…
Then I look up at the board… and my jaw drops…
…He has crushed his own record by 8.5 seconds…
Now here are two questions: How is this possible and was the Ipod an issue?
Today I am going to stick with the issue of motivation as it is a dear subject of mine. Was the Ipod a motivating factor?
There is one thing we should realize and that is that internal motivation is far more powerful than external motivation.
If he were to swim fast for the reason of pleasing his parents, he would be motivated for external reasons. External motivation is weak and never lasts.
But is getting an Ipod external motivation? Yes, maybe. Yet, it depends. Olympic athletes don’t train like crazy to get some golden color thing that hangs around their neck and which they seldom wear around their neck again. They want to win the medal because of what it represents internally. They train because of the internal driving factors. The trick is to internalize the external rewards and use the external rewards – medals, times – etc. as measuring sticks of progress.
Did my son swim faster because he was getting an Ipod? Maybe. Was the inner satisfaction of seeing his dad’s reaction after the race a factor? Maybe. (Obviously if I had seriously disbelieved his potential, it could easily have destroyed a 10-year-old’s motivation.) Was the inner satisfaction of doing something he had set out to do stronger than the satisfaction of getting the external reward. Yes, of course – although the external reward may have triggered an extra fire within. Was he already fired up to crush his record? Yes, clearly.
There is a lot to say about motivation, and how we can motivate ourselves. But rather than go into depth on this subject at this time, I’ll end with a couple of open ended questions for you: Why is it that we sometimes have a hard time motivating ourselves to do what we know we should do? Why is it that so many never take the step to take their lives to greater levels of satisfaction? Is it because of motivation? Why is it that so many look back into the past and wished they would have been more motivated? What is the relationship between motivation and taking action?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Most importantly, I’d like to know: How do you motivate yourself to bring out the best in you?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
25 Responses to “How To Motivate Yourself (and why I lost an Ipod)”
Leave a Reply
Drew
18. Nov, 2008
If I know that good will come in the future because of the actions I am taking now then I will most definitely be motivated to do whatever it is right then and there.
cherry
18. Nov, 2008
Hi there,
nice little article
Two things come to mind.
1. “motivating ourselves to do what we know we should do”. Should is the conditional form of must and must is, I think, an “external” verb. It’s the policeman’s voice in our head that we integrate as young kids and that tells us what the rules are and how well (or not so well) we are following them.
Unfortunately most external rules have nothing to do with internal well-being, comfort, peace of mind. Example. I’m a woman and my Mum taught me to do all sorts of womanish things, like make my bed every morning. For years I rose to her expectations. But after an affair with a Polish man who really didn’t care about most of the domestic issues I had, I released, and stopped making my bed, and dusting!
Did it make a difference to my external world? Yes, of course it did because as soon as you start to feel comfortable inside, the outside notices and responds accordingly, reinforcing the comfort zone ie that it’s ok to be you with your own “rules”. So I no longer make my bed. Is it tragic? Will I die from that? Does anyone really care? Am I a lesser person for telling the “policeman” in my head to shut up and go to sleep?
2.”How do you motivate yourself to bring out the best in you?” The “best” is the superlative form of “good” ie good (adjective), better (comparative), the best (superlative). Getting to the root of the question means understanding fully what you think is good for you. Not good for the policeman in your head (the external rules) but good for you inside.
In a world of “standards” in which there is not a single living “standard” person, we can try to live up to his/her image, and try and convince ourselves that by buying or having or doing, we will somehow be “better”. But it works the other way around. It’s by being who we are, regardless of anything external, that we gain access to the doing that makes sense to us. That’s what your son did. He loves music, and who doesn’t? So he held that in his mind and swam as he never had. He didn’t “get” an iPod, he “got” music. By allowing him to be himself, you gave him access to possibilties you didn’t even believe in yourself.
This is probably an “issue” for you, as it was for me and still is for just about everyone I know. To understand motivation, first think about what it means to be “willing”. It means “being” first and foremost, and then “willing” is easy!
Eckhart Tolle says it much “better” than me. If you’ve never heard of him, look him up on youtube.
Best regards
Cherry
lea
18. Nov, 2008
sometimes i am motivated by discouraging circumstances: losing
a solo, etc. the disappointment spurs me on to vocalize and sing
more to be ready for the next opportunity.
Tina
18. Nov, 2008
Great article. It made me think of my childhood _I am now 32. My parents did not know how to motivate me and for things I enjoyed I had internal motivation while other things went to the wayside. I now know that at this age I have one more chance to do the things I did not follow through with, one more chance to do things I wanted to accomplish by now but did not have the right motivation to make happen. This is my new driving force. I have a 3 year old daughter and a husband which makes things a little complicated. It makes me strive more to finish what I started and to know that the best is not behind me. The best is in front of me and I must work to make it happen! I also want to teach my daughter this so that she can attain all her dreams!
blizz
18. Nov, 2008
Actually I’m probably inherently lazy by American standards, but I would be motivated by the ‘activity required v. results obtained ratio’. My own phrase. What I mean is that the least activity required for the greatest results obtained would be my goal, because it equals also & wonderfully… the least stress. I like to rest & sleep & have lots of patience for other people & I have found this to be the best way to do that. Of course, as a christian I believe that if I seek God’s Kingdsom first He adds what I need into my life, so my sole motivation behind that that thinking is to serve My God.
If I’m stressed &/or angry I don’t have time to be there for others, whereas if I hang back & listen to that still small voice of calm, I am able to love my God & my neighbour without losing myself! Incidentally whenever I have felt the need to achieve a goal that might be seen as worldly (paying for kids to ski or ride or buying a big item,) I have found that this happens more quickly by giving to & serving my God first & then He adds unto me the desires of my heart.
The inner strengthening comes with the challenge that I must however be prepared to lay anything down for my God, and enter into service knowing that if my desire is not in line with His loving plan for me, I may lose the desire when I offer myself to him. The upside is that I don’t desire it then, so it doesn’t matter. God only takes away something from us in order to give us something better anyway, so it’s all win-win.
I was previously involved in many areas of self-motivation through performance & consultancy within the private business & government sectors & struggled for a while with the opposing forces of self-will & God’s will, having trained my own will to be so successful prior to accepting Jesus Christ. Now I have the blessing of letting The Spirit of God flow into my life as my first & foremost focus, with the additional benefit now of receiving great joy for my soul: a joy that I was striving for continually before I met Christ, but that now fills me automatically when I spend time in the presence of The Holy Spirit.
As I am Irish & living in Ireland & not America, I would be interested to hear how querky this might sound to an American. As a last note, I am a person who has travelled reasonably widely & experienced a wide variety of different cultures. I was educated alongside many of the world’s wealthiest, but do not value material gain as a major prize, more as an offshoot of the central blessing of the manifestation of The Holy Spirit (if it is God’s calling) provided I obey The Lord & share it to the areas He has called me to. God bless you, bye now.
Regine
18. Nov, 2008
This is an interesting article for me, especially right now. I’ve been taking Per’s lessons for almost five months now. I’ve been very motivated to practice because of the internal rewards of taking the action to do something I enjoy and the possibilities of growing the confidence to perform. However, lately I’ve been questioning where to go from here? Where will these lessons take me? Will I feel confident enough to perform? I wonder lately if I’m still improving as a singer? So… to continue to motivate myself, I feel I need to keep practicing, challenge myself, set a goal for myself and develop a clear idea of where I want to go with singing.
Also I love that Per rewarded his son with an ipod, I’ve been thinking how I’d love to have an Mp3 player or ipod, maybe I could reward myself!
Take Care,
Regine
Doreen
18. Nov, 2008
Releasing self limiting beliefs is the key for me. When I go into that procrastination mode it seems to be a protection in case I fail. However once I am able to talk myself around to believe that the experience, the process will be enjoyable or educational or strengthening and not focus on the outcome I become motivated again. I recently participated in a music exam, singing performance. I knew I had worked hard at the preparation but to get over the nerves I made myself a vision board and put on it lots of affirmations and what I wanted to achieve, using magazine pictures and quotes etc. It was very positive and powerful. I took that board with me to the city where I would be performing and put it on display in my hotel room as a visual reminder to believe that I would enjoy the event. It was wonderful, as though all doors opened for me. I believe I did a great job and of course I passed the exam. Hope this helps. I am 65 years old by the way!
Samantha
18. Nov, 2008
Wow is this the subject of the year for me or…..mmm probably longer. What keeps my motivation low or sometimes nonexistant? Fear. Laziness. Lack of discipline, inspiration. I think the biggy might be too high of expectations/perfection to a level that it only becomes discouraging and backfires. Too much anxiety where it only backlashes.
Andrea
19. Nov, 2008
To Blizz: Do you have further writings on this subject self-will and Gods will?
If you have and you also would like to send it, then a thank you in advance- My mail is: sterjojo@hotmail.com
Greatings Andrea
asad
20. Nov, 2008
pir i motivate my self same as ur child as u expect more from him same my parents expect from me so i try to give mt best shot in everything which they expect from me
peritto-banditto
20. Nov, 2008
I have been a secussful salesman and have been able to retire early because of it, I always strived to be number one, it’s really about goals
and really wanting to hit those goals, because true….strong…working motivation comes from inside,(with-in your own mind and body)you must want to be first, in anything you do! no one can motivate you, you must motivate you period. I could not hold a tune or sing anything but always wanted to, taking the first two sing with freedom lessons on karoake night I am having people come up and as me what I am doing here and why I am not cutting my own music, it all comes down to the same thing, goals set them higher than you think you can and then getting that huge rush of satisfaction when you beat them, your son probably knew in practice that he had improved his time, but added two seconds with the motivation of the ipod,
Love all and all will love you.
John K.
Renato BDR
20. Nov, 2008
Hi Per B
Love the interactions and passion coming through the responses; to me,motivation is about releasing the passion that lies in all of us, letting go of the fear and letting the love out; these are the only core emotions we feel:LOVE or FEAR!! What should it be for YOU/US????
Renato BDR
Susan Strick
21. Nov, 2008
i really love renato’s comment. philosophically profound but also useful!
reminds me of a thought that popped into my head as i was on the way to an audition once: life is a constant torture for the cowardly, a constant playground for those with the courage to live, be,and love.
shohreh
22. Nov, 2008
Hi Per,
It is very interesting article. To me motivation and connection to my source goes hand in hand. When I am not motivated I know I am not connected and after meditation and coming back to my center I feel good.
But in order to reach our highest potential I believe that self image and who we think and beleive we are consciously or unconsciously plays a part as well.So the image should match with what we intend to do or accomplish. In this case visualization could help.
How we are talking to ourselves is an important factor.But most of the time we might not be aware of it and just playing the tapes from parents and teachers or society. That is why self esteem is very important and it is true that internal motivation is more powerful.
Clearing the blocks energetically is very powerful at times and I have seen it with working my clients and how they become lighter and clear more connected followed by motivation to be their best.
In the end it all comes back to our connection to our higher self and see ourselves as an extention of power , act and feel like it because we are it.We are all Spirit in expression either we know it or not. We just need to remember and remind ourselves of our essence. All the power , peace and everything we want is within that essence and within each of us.
Change
23. Nov, 2008
it’s reminds me of my childhood.when I was a child.My parents always told me to do something,and gave me some money or toys as reward.I think it is very effective.
jan
27. Nov, 2008
Hm….think I’m learning something here….I need to bribe my kids more…lol
alex
02. Dec, 2008
You are right. motivation has very little to do with external rewards. I did an exam not laong ago, and while my results were very good, and i got al the bribes that i was promised, I didn’t want any of it becasue I knew I hadn’t done my best. Your son didn’t break his record becasue of what you said. The ipod was a bonus. He did it becasue he felt he could and wanted to prove it. and if he didn’t make it he would ahve been very dissapointed becasue he would ahve felt he woldn’t have not not as well as he should, but as well as he could. People can sense their own limitations, and but if we fail to meet our own ideas of what is possible to acheive. Your son’s motivation was monst likely (and I don’t know exactly ebcasue I knly know my own experience) probably the idea that he knew he could do it so he was determined to do it. Not to show off, but to rise to the level he knew he could acheive and to prove to minself that he could do what he thought he could.
alex
02. Dec, 2008
ooops i forgot to add his moivation was to do his best, and that is what he did.
Benita
03. Dec, 2008
Great blog post.. I’m a motivation topic-freak! So couldn’t help not to comment here, especially I also have a pre-teen, 12-yr old daughter; who badly wanted to have an IPOD, begged me almost every single day to get it.. and to think that they’re on the pricy range. Being a single Mom sort of made this a finances issue for me. I’d rather spend that on food. But I’m so glad I finally got her an IPOD, as I walked into the Electronics store, just paid for it with my eyes closed. (LOL)…but it totally paid of. Why? I’ve negotiated with her that since this is not a necessity to have during that time at least; I made a condition that unless I see her grades get better; an IPOD won’t surface..Interestingly enough, the following semester; she showed me her report card and Wallaah! pretty much straight A’s except for a B in Math. and she was just wishing for an IPOD at that time to land on her hands…so now that she got it, it’s helping her enjoy doing her homework, not that she had the Ipod on her ears while she’s doing her assignmenets… It’s another motivating factor for me to let her use it as a reward, after she’s done with her studies…So it works both ways, internally and externally. We all have to be motivated at some point in our lives… By the way, like you Per, I’m also a Voice and Performace Coach and when my daughter asked for the IPOD, although my external voice says NO, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to get it for her…My inner voice agreed that this new technology will actually help her and I’m all for it.. Not only in terms of music pieces, but I started downloading motivational topics and personal development related audios for teens, that will certainly make her successful in life. Thank You Per.
Benita, Voiceologist(TM)
Voice Mastery Coach
Hilary L
03. Dec, 2008
I think people are afraid of going all out when there is no certainty of success. If you know that when you drive 5 hours, you will then see your favorite band perform, you will do the work. It’s pretty sure to happen.
But, I think people are not sure of the result so they waiver – “is it worth it”. But the cool thing about Per’s son in that story is he probably was so in the moment…the excitement, the routine of training, having his dad there to see him do this thing, the challenge of really doing something amazing, that he focused completely right there and then. He got himself in the ZONE.
I think half the battle to get motivated is to
set yourself up for success. Create the ZONE.
When I was a serious athlete, it was easy. Train every day with a team and a coach, get excited, set goals and RACE. As an adult, and as an artist is harder to create that excitement and stability zone…but I think it is the key. Create the environment for your own success…and go all out.
Caia
04. Dec, 2008
While this story made me laugh, it also made me kind of sad. I have mixed feelings about bribing kids! Granted, I’m not a parent, so I’m no expert – but I was a kid… My mother was too high-minded to reward grades with material things, which I appreciated even while my friends got things for their report cards. But my father was ok with offering to buy me clothes if I lost weight (I was not and am not fat). So I have negative associations with that. Be careful to differentiate between what you want and what your child wants – at least know which you are supporting and why.
I am a huge procrastinator. I do not sing daily as I wish I did – so I join as many choruses and groups as I can so that at least I am singing more often. Getting others to help me do the things I wish I were doing, I guess.
I don’t think benefit is always a motivator – I am also unemployed just now, and you would think that would be a powerful motivator to get me out there doing the right things to find work… not so. It’s excruciatingly difficult. See you all when I have work again and can afford to sign back up for this site.
Renato BDR
05. Dec, 2008
Hi Per B
Thanx for your prodding to respond in follow-up.Having read how motivation went on to bribery seems to deflect the core or heart of the question.I feel motivation is about what fuel is in your tank, how you use it,and what good it does at large, something like cause and effect.
The bribery question is but a fraction of the motivation question,and maybe the reason for the end of idea exchanges? Renato BDR
Bennie
31. Dec, 2008
Hi Per,
Interesting story. I don’t think the external reward, was the trigger to break his personal record. He must have had a strong believe that he could do it. I guess the ipod reward was just an extra drive to put himself to the test.
MaxxNY
08. Feb, 2009
What motivates me ? Women.
Hilary
06. Aug, 2010
What motivates me is to get inside what it feels like to achieve/receive the outcome I want – to really connect with the feelings of elation, gratitude, inspiration, awe etc that I feel when something is 'right'. It is sometimes hard to give ourselves permission to 'own' those feelings and that is what holds us back from allowing our desires and hopes to be fulfilled. It is great that you added to your son's drive to beat his pb because you were telling him you WANTED him to feel great, that he deserves to have those feelings about himself. Awesome!